This is one of the best blogs I have read in recent times.
If you are the scapegoat, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are the one most likely to go searching for answers – and find them. That is because you are the one in the most pain from carrying the burden of blame for the family. The scapegoats are also usually the truly strong ones in the family, as well as being the truth tellers.
I guess you know the bad news. You are blamed for everything. The scapegoats are the ones who allow the rest of the family to appear to be “normal,” purged of their wrongs. Narcissistic personality disordered mothers chronically scapegoat. If everything is the scapegoat’s fault (and it’s not), then the rest of the family can continue to avoid the real issue. The narcissistic mother can keep pretending to be “normal,” since you are supposedly the problem.
The very existence of a scapegoat in the family signals a problem, because a scapegoat is only required in a family when someone consistently refuses to take responsibility for their own actions. Instead of taking responsibility, the narcissistic personality disorder parent often uses projection and scapegoating. Projection involves the narcissistic parent projecting their negative character traits onto others.
It may not take long for the other siblings in a dysfunctional family to realize they can blame the scapegoat too. In extremely dysfunctional families like my own family of origin, the narcissistic parent will actually encourage the other children to abuse the scapegoat child. This does not stop once the scapegoat is an adult, but continues as adult child abuse. Narcissistic personality disordered mothers love to manipulate and use their flying monkeys to help do their dirty work.
Now for the great news! You may think that golden child has the cherished role, but in the long run the scapegoat is the one most likely to escape, heal and lead a healthier life. Those same qualities of strength and emotional honesty or truth telling will greatly work in your favor in the healing process. If you are the scapegoat, you have the strength to escape, heal and lead a healthier life. As hard as it may be, try not to internalize all of the blaming and scapegoating. Realize you are dealing with a very sick parent. The truth hurts, but then it really does set you free.
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