Therapeutic Blogging

A Reason To Blog

Father First

I started blogging for three reasons  and three reasons only and that was as a way to communicate my feelings to those around me who cared  and what was going on in my life, as a reason of emotional release and most importantly, as a way to communicate my feelings and the history of my efforts trying to maintain and then re-establish contact with my two children.

Without going into too much detail, although I think by now most of my followers know all too well what I went through and am still going through. Luckily things did improve after March last year (2011), but I guess things could not have been  much worse. You see some things that happen in life can seem like mountains to climb but if you dont have your health then those mountains can turn out to me impossible challenges to concor. But luckily with the help of good people and family and a loving partner the health issues are not an issue now and so the blogging  battle continues.

So, this is why I am writing my most recent post. I feel blogging is a good way to deal with stress not only from an emotional point of view but as,  if not more importantly from a physical perspective. This blog is a further example of me dealing with the world and its threats and problems and interacting with people who share and are going through similar issues and with communicating with and recording a history of my effort for when the time eventually arrives that I have my kids back. What can be a better way to deal with “stuff” than putting your day, your troubles and your feelings on the shelf for a while while you wait. Its a way of storing your efforts and feelings in a libruary or in a book just ready for your children to come along and pull the book from the shelf and read it. I think blogging is an ultimate therapy for mind, body and soul. Below are a few reasons why I think blogging probably saved my life.

1). Blogging for Freedom

You’re free to write whatever you want within the bounds of legal litigation of course. I always felt that writing about my current life and present issues were vital to let other people know just what was going on and the sometimes impossible biases I faced. But I had to do it without upsetting, legally that is, anyone else, meaning of course those unregulated, self satisfying family court judges(without capital letters due to my now total disrespect of what they represent) but at the same time telling the truth. I can tell you that this last point is almost impossible. Its like being a hostage to truth and like being sat on by a lie. You dont agree with what they say, you are frustrated beyond tolerance but you are literally gagged by them. Whilst the other side are laughing in your face. This is where the stress becomes intolerable and the health issues start. For those that follow the Fatherless Britain issues you will know all too well just how many fathers have taken their own lives and on occasions taken innocent others with them. So no one should under estimate the level of stress that can build when it seems that there are no avenues left to follow. Freedom, was my first choice of reasons why to blog and why its therapeutic but its not quite that simple. The freedom to blog is available to us and seems on the face of it a basic human right but there are complications especially when you tell the truth but upset others in the process.

Its a matter of “stress release” We all need to either escape reality or confront it every now and again. However, regardless of whats going on in your life when you sit down and write and tell the world what you feel most people would say they feel calm, less stressed. Its like writing a letter to a friend that cares about you. Just knowing that they know and support you is stress releasing.

2). Mind pre-occupation

We enjoy working right? Well, most of us do. When you are writing, it always feels like you are doing something to solve the problem. People write for different reasons of course but blogging I believe is an extension of working towards solving a problem. It may be a world changing issue such as a civil war or other political issue, it may be an inequality or social issue. But blogging is just an extension of the fight what ever that fight may be about.

Blogging offers the opportunity to work towards the final goal and to reach people that are usually in other ways inaccessible. For me, that is the best reason of the blogging therapy. The ability to say what I want to say to the people I want to say it to and this is a great feeling and
something I feel everyone should do. Whether it be a world changing issue, a social issue or just communicating a skill you have.

3). Thinking like a child

Remember when you were a child and you felt care-free and all you wanted to do was play with your friends. You had no real issues other than those what now seem simplistic. Everyone at some time feels or says, “I wish I was a child again” Because those days for most of us remind us of a distant and lost freedom of expression and care-free living. Now, day to day stresses that life offers us as adults take over our lives and dont allow space for what we had as children. Well blogging gives you the chance to be that person again but in a different way. When you blog, you have almost a similar feeling. Your audiences are your past childhood friends. You are communicating with people who have the same interests and issues. You are saying things that as we get older, we forget to think about, much like a child. Blogging allows you to think like a child where you can write in any form you find suitable without of course offending in law or having to provide reason for why you’re writing it. Rarely did anybody asks you as a child why you’re doing what you are doing, you just did it. But once you become older and in the real world, you’re constantly asked the question “what or why are you doing that?” When you blog you “just do it”

4). Does it really matter if anyone is reading?

Im lucky I guess because although small I know I have an audience because Im not alone in this situation. We forget that half of the polulation are men and divorce affects roughly 60% of all partnerships. Once you have children then the amount of men that can be effected by the same or similar issues is enormous. So in this subject at least you are guaranteed an audience.

Having said that does it really matter? From my point of view it doesnt because the reason I blog is as previously explained as a therapy and a record, a dairy of my effort to see two of the four most important people in my life. My younger children. So no, for me it doesnt matter if for the moment the only reading it gets is by me reading it after publishing to find and correct a missed spelling error.

Understanding that you need an outlet and aren’t sure how to find one is a sure way to blog about your issue. You can actually write about anything you want, it doesnt matter so long as the therapy effect helps you. Who cares if anyone is reading it? Eventually you are sure to effect someone. In my case my childrens memory when they eventually read it. For me its a long term investment, a little like saving for your retirement. Eventually, it will do you and your family a lot of good and without that investment you are in trouble.

5). Blogging as a holiday or tempory release of pain.

Its a fact, I know when Im about to blog. I can feel it coming. My partner can feel it too. Its like a pressure that needs releasing. A pressure that is released for a short period of time whilst and for a short period after you publish it. This has been really very good for me personally because after my heart attack in March last year (2011) the strees I had been under had obviously got to breaking point without me realising. Of course I had been blogging before the event but the family court system had forced me to stop with court order after court order. Funny how the truth hurts! The only way they had to hide the truth was to silence me. Silence me they did until they gave up, realising that I wasnt about to give up permentently. I found another way of writing. Still with the same aim, still about the same subject.

Blogging, at least whilst Im typing and for short time after especially after I have recieved comments, either positive or negative is like being on vacation from the pain I feel daily, hourly, by the minute and millisecond.

Many people have stress outlets that serve as a punching bag during times of stress or when something lets us down.I used to run but whilst under such pressure its difficult to focus on that sort of stress release strategy. Plus when you do, it seems like a betrayal to the reason you are doing it in the first place. I know that sounds strange but if I even for one hour in a day I dont have my objective in my mind I feel giulty and I really dont want to let this go. So blogging is the only way I believe there is to maintain and deal with the stress at the same time. The only time I will consider taking my eye off the ball and relax or stop is the day I put my arms around my son and daughther again.

For some when reading my blogs or Facebook comments they must wonder why Im in the situation. Well its simply because the family law in the UK is completely out of touch and bias towards the mother. Yes I know if you are a woman in my position reading my blog yoy are about to message me and once again tell what I already know. We all know it happens to women too. In fact I bought my older two sons up alone from the ages of 4 and 5 but that didnt ever, ever stop me encouraging my sons to visit and maintain contact with their mother. I can safely say that the UK family law system and the majority of women in this country dont afford fathers the same consideration and with the backing of a bias legal system.

What I have learned from blogging is that it gives you time to reflect on the things you are writing about. It gives you a clearer perspective on the real underlying issue of your cause or subject matter. First of all it forces you to reflect deeply, it forces you to research and to see other peoples view points through the responses you recieve.

6). Blogging as a protest.

Its a fact that if you look through history, no great changes were ever achieved without sacrifice. Anyone who thinks those in power are listening to you and actually care what you are saying are sadly mistaken. Changes such as human rights changes or equality changes never were achieved without sacrifice and sometimes great sacrifice. If you doubt me then just read the history books or sit down and watch the BBC World Service to see whats going on in the world. Oh and dont ever believe that just because you are British and living in the UK you are any different, because you are not and they are not listening.

To make changes that are important and matter, the sacrifce begins with information. Thats where blogging comes in especially in our new techno world where I can blog here in Brasil today and you can read it in Stoke on Trent tonight. Blogging is a first step to rebellion.

Blogging is information, its letting people know that they are not alone. Its letting them know that, actually something is happening and just maybe, they want to be part of it. Its now common to hear that revolutions and changes in repressive governments are started and promoted through social media. In my view there is absolutely no difference in forcing a government to recocnise equality for fathers with regards their children and changing a repressive regime. If governments dont want to listen then they wont. Just look back to womens votes, to race equality in South Africa and the United States. Nothing would have changed without a street fight or sacrifice.
7). Blogging to just have a good moan.

Blogging of course can just be a way to get something off your mind or just to have a good old moan.

It really doesnt matter if this is the case its still a way reduce stress. Sometimes I just feel like having a good moan but in truth I do tend to let the stress build before I feel emotionally stressed enough to find the words I want to say.

I am going to finish in the same way as I started and thats to reiterate my number one focus, that is the reason I blog.

One day Scott and Layla you will go through the stuff I write and feel, and feel the emotion in my words. There isnt a day or even a second where you arent the main focus of my purpose to live. I Know with a capital “K” that it will happen and the truth of my words will come through. Whether my blogging will actually have any lasting effects on government policy is very, very doubtfull simply because the British public nowadays is far too selfish in my opinion to want to get off their backsides and fight for something that has not yet kicked them in the teeth. Their living rooms are far too comfy and its far to wet outside to have any kind of revolution. So until then, all we can do is blog into thin air hoping that those its aimed at are effected and thats all that really matters to me after all.

Dedicated to you both. DAD


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