Before I start this blog I want to make it absolutley clear that, yes I know this shit happens to women too, there is no doubt about it but in this case I am talking about men, at the same time taking it as said that women also suffer.
I say this because every time I post a blog or status update on my Facebook, a woman puts a sharp reply the “this happens to women too” well I know it does, it goes without saying.
So the purpose of todays blog is and I stress that its in the third person, in other words you bastards (UK lawyers and family court bastards) I am talking about someone else and not me AND I wont be naming names. But they will know who I mean without me being explicit.
So the scenario
It’s your daughters birthday and so as an alienated father you decide with the support of your family to send a birthday card, a perfectly natural and expected thing to want to do and to recieve. Any father who doesn’t send his kids a birthday card needs to be asked why! You also decide to put a letter in the envelope to explain in as “nuetral a possible way” why you can’t be with them at the moment and that some day very soon everything will be ok and that you love them and miss them dearly. You do this bye the way in the hope that the letter actually arrives and is read by your child or children. Which as we know is simply a gamble when you have an alienating resident parent opening the mail. Still there is, just maybe the chance that your child will pick up the envelope, see that it’s addressed to them and open it up before it gets hidden. Yes, it’s a gamble but a gamble worth taking.
So, lets take a step forward at this point. A family member of the alienated father receives a text from the alienating resident parent to say that the letter was received and read in full by the older of the two children but the younger child, whose 9th birthday it is could only get so far through your letter before breaking her little heart because she misses her father so much and had to stop reading.
In the text message the alienating resident parent says that she would rather the grandmother of the children nor the childrens older brothers or father or any other member of the alienated fathers side, in other words 50% of the childs family should not contact the children again. The reason given is that she, the alienating resident parent wants to get on with her life undisturbed.
Now this is where all reasonable common sense breaks down. Where any sense that the alienating parent has any kind of sense of feeling that she may actually be harming her children in this unforgivable, deliberate and selfishly alienating statement. It is beyond me that any woman (refer to openening preface) before sending me a message on my Facebook, can be expected to receive any kind of respect whilst causing such harm to her own children. To believe that your own freedom and right to life has prescident over your child’s or children’s lives is just beyond comprehension. I find this infuriating to say the least. It fills me with anger yet at the same time complete dispair that the UK family court system ( in lower case) because of my utter contempt, allows women to get away with this kind of abuse. After all it is abuse. Any action intended or unintended that harms your child either physically, mentally or emotionally is abuse or neglect. Agree or disagree, I don’t much care, it’s my opinion.
How can a mother say that as a priority over her childrens best interest she wants to get on with her life? It’s beyond my understanding as a father and I hope as a human being. The very thought of a child of mine breaking down in floods of tears over something I said or did or enforced upon me, simply breaks me into pieces and I could never do intentionally. It’s impossible to deal with. As I understand it, the letter carefully written was set out as not to cause or be compliant with any sort of “other parent” degregation. In other words it didn’t use language that would put down or undermine the other parent in its letters. This was thought to be the most important consideration whilst writting the letters. So as not to cause upset or join in, in the alienation process.
The other factor of cause was that just maybe and with a very strong track record of trying to hurt the abscent alienated parent is that the text message was meant to send a message of extreme emotional pain to the abscent parent as a deliberate act of further vengance. Of caurse we can never be sure but with a track record it is highly possible.
So the outcome
What was acually achieved after sending your child a birthday card with the intension of trying to reasure them that you are still here, still careing, still loving and missing even more?
Well it’s plain to see. First of all, you give an alienating parent a further chance to hurt you. In the process she deliberately hurts the rest of your family in particlar the childrens grandmother whose only fear is whether she will live long enough to ever see her prescious grandchildren again. More importantly, through her continued misplaced alienation of her ex-partner from her young children she actually hurts her children severely and emotionally.
We know what the UK family courts opinion is on this, and that is to support the alienating mother and distance the alienated father from his children or more to the point the children from their father as a misguided response to protect the children. Now call me “human” with a strong sense of right and wrong and all the normal facualties a father should rightly hold concerning his children. Isn’t that arse over tits? Any rational thinking human being is going to say that the childs best interest is with the father and mother with shared equal and reasonable contact as long as there is no danger to the child. We would all agree with this last part. When a father or mother for that fact, has had a good loving relationship with their child or children I can’t think of a justifiable reason why a family court should deny a child access to it’s father. Or, support a mother in the alienation process instead bring her to account.
In some countries they will hold an alienating parent to account and not automatically support the mother in this disgusting bias way.
I watched the Olymics a few weeks ago and it felt easy to feel proud for once to be British. Well I have to say I was proud of the way it was organised, the way it was run and the way the volunteers both men and women, mothers and fathers conducted themselves. Who wouldn’t be proud. But we forgot that whilst “the people” are showing the world just how good we are there was all the time an undercurrent that should not have been forgotten, of corrupt police officers, of currupt and bias family court systems, of backroom conversations and deals of legal corruption plotting to undermine fatherhood in this country. Extreme you may say but I can tell you from my deep and personal experience in this matter that it happens and it’s coming to a family member close to you soon.
So in closing I say to my readers, if I have any. Don’t sit in your cozy little living rooms with your TV on and central heating turned up thinking “this will never happen to me” because likely it will and it will hurt you and change you for ever. It will change you physically, emotionally and psychologically for ever and more importantly it will change your childs path to adulthood irretrievably in a way that should in a civilised country be considered abusive but shamfully isn’t. Get off your arses and join in and help the protest and change this disgusting family court system you have in this country of ours.
If my blog or blogs effects or offends you personally then I’m glad, it’s meant too.